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Category Archives: Life’s a beatch

 

Hi, you’re back from the Eastern Cape?

 

Yes, my mom put all her money together to buy me a train ticket.

 

So you’re back to living rough on the abandoned plot?

 

Yes, but it’s not nice. It’s all new people now.

 

Hm, I don’t really understand why you came back in the first place?

 

Do you have 5 Rand?

 

Sorry, we don’t keep any cash, especially since the robbery.

 

Oh, I didn’t know. You got robbed?

 

Yes… It’s South Africa for all of us.

 

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Do you need a plastic bag?

 

No thanks. I do need a clear bag though for the chicken.

 

Please help yourself.

 

Would you know if this chicken was frozen?

 

Frozen? I don’t think so.

 

It’s just, it’s really cold.

 

Maybe it got cold on its way here, it’s so cold out there!

 

Lol, like it got frozen when they were driving over the mountains, there is currently snow up there!

 

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Guys, check out the photos from our office do!

 

Oh gosh, I look terrible! I really should lose some weight, I’m so fat!

 

No, you’re not!

 

Yes I am, look at this!

 

Well, would you ever say this to a friend?

 

What? Of course not!

 

Then why would you talk like that about yourself.

 

 

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Look what I brought home.

 

What is it?

 

It’s like a surprise.

 

Ah, fantastic! Finally!

 

Yes, let’s put it in!

 

Super!

 

 

Oh shit.

 

What?

 

That’s way too high! I can’t reach it!

 

Oh my! What can we do?

 

Let’s get the ladder.

 

Great!

 

 

Ah shoot!

 

What is it?

 

The ladder is with the builder.

 

Oh darn!

 

Well, I can climb onto something else.

 

But be careful!

 

 

Oh no!

 

What? What happened?

 

The LED light bulb has an edison screw but we have a bayonet cap socket!

 

Oh, so it won’t happen tonight after all…

 

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Google translates 'Eier abschrecken' in a funny way. ;)

Google translates ‘Eier abschrecken’ in a funny way. 😉

 

Lol, it’s funny when automated translation doesn’t get an idiom.

 

Eier abschrecken is the process of rapidly cooling down boiled eggs with cold water so they are easier to peel (which apparently is a myth anyway).

 

There is actually a close translation in English:
To shock the eggs, which means to plunge into ice water in order to halt the cooking.

 

So always remember to deter your eggs after you boiled them. 🙂

Deter? Don’t deter me! Not me, man. Deter, what does that even mean, deter? Why would you deter me? What has this world come to, when you get deterred at any given chance. And for what? Is it even worth it? All the deterring? That’s just, who’d want to deter all the time. Just, take a break. And, just not me. Yeah? Just don’t deter me.

Deter? Don’t deter me! :-S

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There you go: Now I’ve got prepared instructions stapled to my appointment card. Seems like I’m not the only one who got it wrong. This should not come as a surprise, with such cryptic hospital slang! :-o

There you go: Now I’ve got prepared instructions stapled to my appointment card. Seems like I’m not the only one who got it wrong. This should not come as a surprise, with such cryptic hospital slang! 😮

 

Did you eat today?

 

Yes.

 

Sorry, this procedure needs to be done on an empty stomach. Your digestive system must be completely clean. That means nil per mouth from 10pm the night before.

 

Oh, shoot.

Can we reschedule?

 

Yes.

But it says it here, next to your appointment.

 

Yes, “N. P. M.”, what does that mean?

 

Nil Per Mouth.

 

Ah, yes, ok.

And this, what does this mean: “Flu”?

 

That means Follow-Up.

 

Ah, of course.

It all makes sense once you know what it means.

 

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Hi, I’m here to pick up a parcel.

 

What’s the reference number?

 

Wait, just a sec, let me fire it up.

 

Ah, on your phone, is it?

 

Yeah, you know, it’s all binary.

 

Ja… we don’t do much of that around here…

 

 

Maybe that’s why Christmas post arrives in February in South Africa?

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